On Help Vampires

A help vampire (HV) is someone who asks for help to resolve a problem, especially on a forum or blog post, but:

  • does not read the forum posts/blog post,
  • provides little, if any, information about his/her particular situation (even if it’s drastically different than the one presented in the forum topic/blog post), and
  • provides no evidence of having spent even one ounce of energy to solve the problem, or to even narrow it down.

On top of this, a healthy HV usually:

  • has poor spelling and grammar,
  • (if in an e-mail thread) always top-posts,
  • communicates in terse statements, forcing others to assume 9 out of 10 variables to be a certain way in order for their statements, taken as a whole, to make sense.

I’ve been around in the Linux/FOSS world for several years, and I’ve seen many HVs. You can usually tell that you’re dealing with a HV because you’ll need to communicate with them with about 5 or 6 posts to actually get them to pose the right question — to just get to square 1. And by then, you’re so into the “yay, I’m helping someone!” feeling that you fail to realize the vampire fangs already dug deep inside your neck, sucking out every drop of your blood…

I see myself as a pretty nice person, because, I’ve helped out even the worst HVs, with the faint hope that one day, they would see the light and turn back into sane humans again. But, I think helping HVs is basically the same as feeding a troll — they will never learn.

Enough is enough. I refuse to waste time with people who cannot form coherent ideas in their heads!

There is so much information out there on the internet — with some simple double-quoting skills on google, you can find the solution to most things very quickly. For 99% of people, the answers are already out there, 99% of the time.

I declare, I will never feed the help vampires, on this blog or anywhere else!

P.S. I’m reminded of a reverse-HV situation, where the original poster of a forum thread, posts a very well thought-out question, but is met with answers from a mob of semi-illiterate people (some with very high post counts) who have either (1) not read the entirety of the OP’s post, or (2) not taken their medication. I’m glad that I’ve never had to face such mobs in my own threads…